Connor Bazar is a freshman at Texas A&M University from Houston studying psychology. At the beginning of his junior year of high school, Connor experienced a spinal cord injury during gymnastics practice and is now a quadriplegic with no function of his lower extremities.
In this episode Connor discusses not only the physical transitions, but also the emotional and mental transitions following a traumatic accident as well as the new challenges presented by attending college.
Transcript
Tanner Parker: What do you think and feel when you hear the word disability? For thousands of students at Texas A&M University disability is a part of how they explore and engage with the Aggie experience. This is Agcess, a collection of first-person stories on what disability means to Aggies just like you. We hope these conversations open your eyes and offer new perspective towards your understanding of disability.
Justin Romack: Howdy. This is Justin Romack, and I am a Program Coordinator with Disability Resources. You are listening to the Agcess podcast, brought to you by the Department of Disability Resources. I am joined by my awesome co-host Tanner Parker.
Tanner Parker: Hey, y’all.
Justin Romack: We are joined by another fantastic guest, Connor Bazar, who is a freshman from Houston, studying psychology. Thank you so much for joining us today, Connor.
Connor Bazar: Thank you for letting me be on here.
Justin Romack: We have done a couple of these, now. I just want to stress, man, this is an opportunity for us to tell stories about disability that are relevant to our campus community. I want you to know that this is the space, this is the place, for you to be authentic, and for you to share your story. I’m really excited to learn from you today, and hear from you today. Tell us a little bit about your disability, and how you describe the idea of disability.
Connor Bazar: My disability is I’m a quadriplegic. I don’t have any use of my lower extremities, abs. I don’t have any finger function. I don’t have that much tricep function. I’m in a power wheelchair. It’s like a tank, which is sometimes good and sometimes bad.
Justin Romack: Have you always been disabled?
Connor Bazar: No.
Justin Romack: Can you talk a little bit about that?
Connor Bazar: Yeah. August 23, 2018. I was going into my junior year. It was the Thursday before school started for my junior year in high school. I was at gymnastics practice, and I was on a trampoline. It’s 40 feet in length. It’s called a tumble track, and I would be landing on a crash pad, which is about 18 inches to 24 inches in width, not width, but height, which is full of foam.
Connor Bazar: I was doing double front flips, which I’ve done in the past. I was landing them really well. I was 16 at this point. Most 16-year-olds, we’re cocky, and we want to do something more. We obviously think we’re invincible. I decided to do a double front flip with a 180 degree turn at the end. I didn’t know how to do that, and I didn’t ask anybody how to do that. I ran on the trampoline, jumped 10 plus feet up into the air. I did my first flip successfully. Then I started my second. I opened up to start rotating, which is not what you’re supposed to do. Whenever I opened up, I slowed my rotation down, and I landed on the back of my head, which compressed my vertebrae. I compound fractured my C5, C6 vertebrae. I bruised my spinal cord, and scraped my spinal cord.
Justin Romack: Totally unforeseen. Nothing you would’ve ever imagined. Never a situation you would’ve imagined yourself being in. Just imagining, and want to know from you, what thoughts were running through your head around that time, about yourself, and about how you move forward from something like that.
Connor Bazar: It’s quite weird. The months up to my accident, I was always wondering, “Hey, I’m doing something, not dangerous, but something that can get me hurt.” I specifically thought, “Hey, what if I have a spinal cord injury?” Stuff like that. It was very weird because, then, I had one. I was, “Oh.”
Connor Bazar: The thoughts that were running through my head, at first, it was just panic. Whenever I landed, I knew I landed very badly. The way my body flopped onto the crash pad was just weird. I wasn’t even trying to get up. I didn’t know that I had a spinal cord injury at that point. I thought I probably broke my foot, or something like that. I didn’t feel the pain. I just laid there. Then I tried to get up, and I couldn’t get up. My legs, nothing was working. I could barely move my arms.
Connor Bazar: The first thing that came to my head was, “Oh, wow. I just had a spinal cord injury.” It was panic, at first. I was, “I don’t know what I’m going to do.” I called over the three guys that were in the gymnastics gym at that point. They thought I was messing with them, which I don’t blame them. I mess around with them a lot. I told them, “Look, I’m actually being really serious. I can’t move anything.”
Connor Bazar: They did three things wrong, at that point. Well, a decent amount of things. They moved me, which as most people should know, you don’t move a spinal cord injury, a patient. If they think you have a spinal cord injury, don’t move them. They sat me up completely. Big no, no. Then they tried to give me water, and that’s another no-no. You could possibly choke, and drown yourself. It was the fear of the unknown kind of thing. As most people do, I have a very bad fear of the unknown. I don’t like going into the ocean, at all. It was that fear that just kept coming to me, and built my anxiety up.
Connor Bazar: They called my mom, and this was probably 15 minutes after I landed. My mom told them to call the ambulance because they still hadn’t done that. They called the ambulance. Not even 10 minutes later, the ambulance was there. Then I was going to the hospital. Once I got into the ambulance, and once I saw the paramedics there, I relaxed a lot. In the ambulance, I was making jokes. How I cope with my anxiety is, I just have fun. I was making jokes about, “Oh, hey, we can park in the handicapped spots now.”
Connor Bazar: There were a lot of mixed emotions, but there was never a moment of, “Why me?” I mean, stuff is going to happen. Stuff could happen to anybody at any point in time. I mean, it’s just an accident.
Tanner Parker: You said you were 16 years old whenever this happened. You’re just learning to drive. I guess, not learning to drive, but you’re just getting your driver’s license. You’re at the peak of high school. Can you describe navigating this new obstacle, which it was probably then, navigating this as a 16-year-old.
Connor Bazar: My birthday is August 11th, and I got my driver’s license August 13, 2018. I had 10 days of legal driving. I had a great time. I got pulled over by the cops on the second day because they thought I was too young. Might have gone 75 in a 35, but “Hey, we’re 16. We do stupid things.”
Connor Bazar: It was a challenge, a very hard thing. I went from being the manager of every sports team, being the mascot, being a gymnast, I was always doing something, to can barely move. I’m stuck in a chair, and all of this. In the hospital, it was pretty bad. I think, at most, every single night I got two hours of sleep. I was in the hospital for a month, and then I went into a rehab facility for another month. I started adapting to it more. I had a lot of visitors, and friends, and stuff like that, that would come to the hospital. It was great that I had visitors. Even when I couldn’t talk. I had to get a tracheotomy because during surgery my spinal swelling went up to C3, which then I wasn’t able to breathe on my own.
Connor Bazar: Even whenever I couldn’t talk, there was still people there. Whenever I got into the rehab facility, I noticed it was starting to slow down, which is expected. Then, whenever I got home, there was no one. I have two best friends. One of my best friends was in Colorado for that whole semester. He left the weekend before my accident. I already didn’t have one of my best friends. The other one, he always came over. It was still hard because I was friends with so many people in high school, and all of those friends never really showed up and helped me. I didn’t get a text from any of them. I didn’t get a call. I didn’t get a, “Hey, are you okay?” That’s all I really wanted because junior year I wasn’t able to go back. I wasn’t able to go to high school. I wasn’t allowed to go in person. I had to do it all online.
Connor Bazar: It was very rough. I went through a massive depression for about three months. It was really bad. I had plans of suicide. I knew how. I knew when. I knew where. Everything, but I knew I could never do it because everybody thought I was an inspiration. I went from, again, being this active kid to being in a chair, and I was always positive around people. Whenever those people weren’t there, I was in the dumps. I knew I couldn’t do anything. Plus, I knew that I would destroy my mom, and I would destroy my friends.
Justin Romack: It sounds like the realization of your place in the world, and what you meant to people around you, was important motivation to keep moving forward. In hearing your story, a lot of things changed. Who you were changed. The way you experienced the world changed. I would imagine, in that moment, a lot of plans changed?
Connor Bazar: Yeah.
Justin Romack: You made it to this level, this higher education, Texas A&M. There was a light bulb moment for you at some point. I’m curious what that was. What was that moment where you did find the energy, and the strength, and the momentum, to pursue a goal like this?
Connor Bazar: That was whenever my depression ended. One of my friends, that I call a brother now, he came over one day. He knew I was depressed, like really bad. He came over, and he was, “Man, we got to get you a girlfriend.” I was, “How are we going to do that?” He said, “Wheelchair Tinder.” I thought that was the best thing ever. He helped me get out of the dumps. I was, “Okay. I actually need to man up. I need to actually do something. I’m 16. I’m not just going to live my life in the shadows. I’m going to be out there. I’m going to be doing something with my life. I want to help people.”
Connor Bazar: Before my accident, I wanted to be an anesthesiologist. After my accident, I wanted to be a psychologist to help people out in my situation. It’s really hard if you don’t have the right mindset, and if you don’t have the right people.
Tanner Parker: As a second semester freshman, what barriers do you feel that you have encountered, and still encounter, in college?
Connor Bazar: The things that I’ve encountered, using my elevator. I’m in Hollow Blue Hall, and they have elevators. It’s Hollow Blue or White Creek. I chose to be in Hollow Blue because those are the only two dorms that have elevators. I finally am able to use it by myself. I’m able to heat stuff up in my room, finally, which that was really hard for me to do at first. Then, actually talking to people. Expressing, not expressing what I need, but I tend to be kind of shy whenever I first start talking to someone, whenever I’m trying to start a conversation. I’ve slowly become more open and open.
Connor Bazar: The things that I’m still encountering, in the psych building. There’s a wheelchair lift that you have to use every single time you want to get into the psych building. I’m not able to use the buttons for the wheelchair lift. I’m still trying to figure that out. The ramp that goes underneath the railroads, not the ramp, but yeah, the walkway that goes underneath the railroads to the rec center, and stuff like that. I’m trying to get into contact with someone at A&M to help fix that ramp because it’s not ADA compliant. For every one inch of elevation, it’s supposed to be 12 inches in length, and it’s not. There have been people that have gotten stuck down there. People in manual chairs that have gotten stuck, and weren’t able to get to the top. Then there’s some buildings where some of the doors are too tight. They’re, I think, 28 inches in width, which I’m not that skinny. Well, my chair, isn’t that skinny, and I can’t really fit through those.
Justin Romack: You’ve said a lot of really powerful things. I think that there’s a lot to learn from here. If you could have the ear of this campus community, and you could get them to understand one thing about disability, what is that one thing that you wish this community understood about the idea of disability?
Connor Bazar: Don’t treat us differently. We’re, literally, people like you. We’re just a little bit different, but you don’t have to treat us differently. Whenever I first got hurt, my best friend was very cautious around me. As soon as I could talk, I was, “What are you doing? I’m the exact same person.” I would love for the community at A&M to just really think about it. I want A&M’s community just to treat us like humans, because that’s what we are.
Justin Romack: Wow. Yeah. Absolutely, man. Absolutely. What I hear from you is that you don’t want pity. You don’t want people to be uncomfortable, or afraid, or cautious. You want people to treat you like another member of this community, like a human being. I think that’s such a powerful lesson, and I’m so grateful for you. I’m so grateful that you would spend time on a podcast, and share story, and educate us. Man, I think we need more people like you. Thank you so much for being a part of this project, for being a part of this conversation. I really do appreciate you, Connor.
Connor Bazar: Thank you for letting me be here.
Tanner Parker: Thank you so much for joining us today, and teaching, and being so expressive about your thoughts and your feelings, and what actions you want the campus to take. I really appreciated hearing everything. Thank you for coming. Thank you for talking.
Connor Bazar: Thank you for letting me on. It’s been a pleasure.